Early Start for Thanksgiving

4.30am in Singapore so still technically the day before Thanksgiving I guess.  Not sure if 4.30 is technically the middle or the end of a long night. At 4.30 I just know that I am totally fed up and exhausted from  constantly getting up out of bed to walk over to her bed to turn off the alarm on her Sats monitor.

It’s a really loud piercing alarm with a flashing red light that goes off as the number floats down from 90 to 88 to 86 to 84 then usually and most irritatingly goes back up again just as I am out of bed and walking across the room to her. It’s dramatic but not Grey’s worthy – can’t really think of a scene when they are sat by the bed watching alarms go off. Mostly it’s just tiring and frustrating and sadly over the last four years a too often repeated experience.

Chelsea usually sleeps thru all the drama of the alarm and me mumbling and cursing under my breath or out loud as my frustration rises with the 50th alarm of the night or when we have to do suction.

and then at 4.30 am this morning half asleep she said

Thank you Mom for everything

and I cried, because I love her so much, and in spite of all the indignities she endures everyday and for the at times miserable existence we have, she still has the grace to say thank you at 4.30 in the morning when I am doing something for her.

I often forget in the midst of the challenging moments just how lucky I am to have her and how grateful I am every single day that she is my daughter.

Thanksgiving – to be grateful for the blessings in your life and for the journey you have taken. I love you Chelsea and I am truly thankful for you.

Happy Thanksgiving!


About Sandra F

Juggling work, family and personal life without much success...
This entry was posted in Disability, Family, Motherhood and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Early Start for Thanksgiving

  1. Sandra,

    I am about to head out for Thanksgiving lunch with friends. My wife is now in Europe at a conference, having been working with those who work with persons with Disabilities in Hong Kong. She is generous with her time and knowledge, and determined to do what she can to help others understand all of us who live with disability, the disabled and the caretaker.

    Often people do not see either of us as disabled, although we are. I dreamed this morning about acquiring a wheelchair, so I am more judicious about when to use my Polio damaged legs. Purchasing a comfortable wheelchair would be quite a step, given my general refusal to accept the realities of my life. I learned well the rejection of such when still a teen. (Or maybe a tween….) Anyway, the photo of Chelsea brought back a flash of memory about a mercifully relatively brief time in an iron lung and with a trache.

    Today being thanksgiving, I am reminded of my gratitude to many people who have aided me through my life, especially to my parents who must have ached as they fought me, and my resistance, during months and years of hot packs and the stretching of atrophied muscles. I was one hurt, angry, scared kid, teen, and young adult. My heart goes out to both of you, courageous as you are. I find myself curious where you find your supports, and your courage.

    Thanksgiving is a complex for those of us who are Native American. We are reminded of the generosity of the Great Spirit and the myriad beings who give of themselves for our lives to continue. Thankisgiving also reminds us of our history, and the many sacrifices of our ancestors, and the courageous Europeans who did their best for our people. Finally, we are reminded history continues to unfurl, and there remain many opportunities to be of aid to others, and to resist the invitation to think and act small.

    I hope your day, which is mainly passed for you at this writing, is filled with love, joy, and the forgiving that arises out of the acknowledgement of the inevitability of suffering, and the intimacy of shared aid.



  2. Pingback: Paintability | Mom on the Side

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